Meg stood in the doorway of the trailer.

“David…”

I knew that tone.

“Yeah?”

“We have a problem.”

“What broke?”

She paused.

“Worse.”

“The coffee maker?”

“No.”

“The fridge?”

“No.”

I looked at her suspiciously.

“What?”

She held up the nearly empty roll of toilet paper.

There were approximately six squares left.

We still had three days of camping ahead of us.

This was not good.

But to understand how we got ourselves into this situation, we need to rewind to Thursday afternoon.

The Great Camping Escape Plan

It was Thursday afternoon, and we had absolutely no plans for the upcoming weekend.

Obviously, there was only one reasonable thing to do.

Plan a four-day camping trip.

By Friday.

My marvelous wife, Meg, immediately hit the internet and started looking for a campsite.

There weren't a lot of options available on such short notice, but somehow, we got lucky and found a site at Driftwood Provincial Park.

Electric hookup.

Pull-through site.

Perfect.

We quickly packed enough clothes to last until Monday morning and started preparing for a spontaneous camping adventure.

Meg also instinctively called her mother to see if she wanted to join us.

Before I even knew what was happening, Grandma had offered to watch Dylan for the weekend.

That hasn't happened in a while.

Dylan immediately jumped at the opportunity.

Probably because Grandma has a swimming pool, an unlimited supply of ginger ale, and—most importantly—internet.

The boy had his priorities.

Friday Afternoon: The Roaming Roads Schedule

Friday morning arrived, and we planned to hit the road by 1:00 p.m.

The goal was to beat the Friday afternoon traffic.

Naturally, we didn't leave at 1:00 p.m.

We hit the grocery store for a few necessities, which is much easier when you don't have to plan meals around a picky teenager.

Grandma came over and picked up Dylan.

Then we went to the storage yard, picked up the trailer, and finally hit the road at approximately 2:30 p.m.

Just in time to join Ottawa's Friday afternoon rush-hour traffic.

Perfect.

My amazing driving skills were immediately put to the test.

Somehow, I managed to get us to the campground around 6:00 p.m. without losing my mind, hitting anything, or accidentally creating a new lane on the highway.

I'd call that a success.

The Easy Campsite Setup

Once we arrived, I filled the water tank while Meg inspected the trailer bathroom.

This would become an important detail later.

Very important.

Then we headed to our campsite.

The site was large, flat, and pull-through.

Which meant we didn't have to perform our usual carefully rehearsed routine of looking like we had absolutely no idea what we were doing while backing the trailer into a campsite.

Trailer level?

Check.

Picnic table positioned?

Check.

Power plugged in?

Check.

Slide-out extended?

Check.

Awning and outdoor carpet?

Check.

We were ready to relax.

Checkers immediately began inspecting the campsite.

There were so many new smells that he was like a kid in a candy store.

Except the candy store was made of trees, dirt, grass, and the mysterious scents of hundreds of other creatures.

After thoroughly investigating the area, Checkers gave the campsite his official approval.

We settled in for a quiet dinner of specialty salads from our favourite grocery store, Farm Boy.

Then we relaxed before eventually heading to bed.

The weekend was off to a peaceful start.

Which, in hindsight, should have been our first warning.

Saturday Morning: Coffee, Chipmunks, and a Problem

Saturday morning started with the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee, expertly crafted by my loving wife, Meg.

It was accompanied by a few mini muffins, which were perfect for taming the hunger in our bellies.

Checkers was tied up beside the trailer, safely secured to our campsite.

Just out of his reach were a pair of chipmunks.

They were darting in and out of the branches between our campsite and the neighbours.

I swear these chipmunks had some sort of advanced scientific measuring system.

They knew exactly where Checkers' leash ended.

Checkers would launch himself at them.

The chipmunks wouldn't even flinch.

These chipmunks must have been part of The Squirrel Mafia that Checkers came across before.

He would reach the end of the leash and stop dead.

The chipmunk would be sitting there approximately one foot away.

Then it would continue doing whatever chipmunks do.

This went on for about half an hour.

I sipped my coffee.

The birds sang.

Checkers waged psychological warfare against the local chipmunk population.

It was a beautiful morning.

Then came the words every camper eventually dreads.

“Honey…”

Meg was still inside the trailer.

“We have a huge problem.”

Now, this is never a sentence you want to hear while camping.

There was one crucial item we were running dangerously low on.

Toilet paper.

As a guy, I don't mind visiting the campground outhouse once in a while.

I can handle the spiders.

I can handle the smells.

I can handle the general feeling that something in the shadows is judging my life choices.

Meg, however, has slightly higher bathroom standards.

She demands a clean, spider-free bathroom.

Preferably one located inside our trailer.

So we decided that, while we were out exploring, we would need to find a store and stock up on this crucial bathroom item.

Simple enough.

What could possibly go wrong?

The Bear-Proof Garbage Bin Incident

Before heading out for the day, we took Checkers for his morning walkabout.

His primary mission was to water the flowers.

We stopped near the garbage disposal area and found ourselves standing in front of one of the campground's bear-proof garbage bins.

I was about to open the door when one of the park staff suddenly said:

“Stop. You don't want to open that door.”

I froze.

Apparently, the handle I was about to twist would have opened the side where the contents of the garbage trailer could potentially fall directly onto me.

Excellent.

I had almost been taken out by a garbage avalanche before breakfast.

The staff member showed me the correct door.

Danger averted.

Checkers' morning walk continued.

We then stopped at the park store to investigate the ice cream selection.

Rolo cones were the treat of the moment.

We devoured them on the walk back to the campsite.

Toilet paper?

Still not acquired.

The Great Toilet Paper Expedition Begins

We hopped into the truck and headed out to explore the area.

Our first stop was a corner gas station and store just down the road.

After waiting for a local four-wheeler club to finish filling up their machines, we topped up the truck.

Beside the gas station was a fry truck.

I cannot resist a good roadside fry.

It is one of my weaknesses.

So, naturally, I had to get some.

They were okay.

Unfortunately, several of them were undercooked.

The search for the perfect roadside fry continues.

Toilet paper?

Still not acquired.

But we were making progress.

Sort of.

The Trading Post and the Turtle Distraction

On our way into the campground the day before, Meg had spotted a trading post.

She wanted to check it out.

So I put the truck in gear and headed down the highway.

Along the way, we passed a group of people wearing high-visibility vests.

They were parking their vehicles and gathering along the side of the road.

“Oh no,” I thought.

“More construction.”

We eventually arrived at Freddie's Trading Post in Deep River.

I stayed in the truck with Checkers and the air conditioning.

Meg went inside on her quest to satisfy her shopping itch.

Then something unexpected happened.

The group we had passed earlier had gathered in the parking lot.

From what I could see in the truck mirrors, they appeared to be organizing a group photo.

That's when Meg came out of the store.

And somehow, she became their impromptu photographer.

Because of course she did.

After speaking with the group, Meg learned they were participating in a ceremony connected to Anishinaabe traditions, where women serve as sacred water carriers and caretakers of Nibi, or water.

Then one of the members mentioned she belonged to the Turtle Clan.

Meg immediately noticed the beautiful turtle staff she was carrying.

This was the exact moment our toilet paper expedition took a dramatic turn.

Meg is a massive turtle fan. Once turtles invade her brain, she transforms into a hyperactive ball of energy. She's like a little kid who has just devoured an entire bucket of sugar.

The toilet paper crisis was instantly forgotten.

The turtles had won.

A few minutes later, Meg returned to the truck, absolutely buzzing with excitement as she explained everything she had learned about the ceremony, the Turtle Clan, and the significance of the turtle staff.

Thankfully, before we drove away, she remembered there was one small detail she'd overlooked...

The poor guy at the store was still waiting for her to come back and collect the ice cream she'd bought for us.

She quickly ran back inside and returned with our frozen treats.

At least we had ice cream.

Toilet paper?

Still no.

The Schoolhouse Museum

Once we had consumed our frozen treats, we continued our journey back toward the trailer.

Further down the road, we noticed another very visible collection of flags.

So we stopped to investigate.

Also, Checkers was making it very clear that he needed to pee.

We stopped at the Schoolhouse Museum.

There were some extra demonstrations happening that day.

A blacksmith was making nails.

Weavers were making cloth from flax.

Checkers was more interested in peeing on a tree and investigating a strange beetle.

Everyone has their priorities.

Nuclear Reactors, Hydro Dams, and a Much-Needed Nap

Further down the road, we stopped at a lookout.

It was an oddly located viewpoint, but it provided a look at the Nuclear Power Demonstration Reactor and the Des Joachims, or Swisha, Hydro Dam.

After taking in the view, we continued our journey back to the trailer.

It was time for a well-earned nap.

And that's when we realized something.

During the excitement at the trading post, Meg had forgotten to buy the toilet paper.

The horror.

It was now too late to go back out and get some.

So we had to survive with the small amount we had left.

Rationing began.

The Great Toilet Paper Crisis had officially entered its next phase.

The Mystery Smell of the Blackstone

It was time for dinner and a campfire.

I pulled out the grill from the outdoor kitchen.

Immediately, we were greeted by a strange fishy smell coming from the compartment.

We couldn't locate the source.

We left the compartment open for a while, hoping the problem would somehow fix itself.

This is a perfectly legitimate RV repair strategy.

If you can't find the problem, leave the compartment open and hope the problem becomes embarrassed and leaves.

I fired up the grill while Meg prepared some Farm Boy sliders.

We had three different kinds:

• Sweet potato
• Black bean
• Falafel

All of them were delicious.

The falafel sliders, however, required a little caution.

They tended to fall apart into a pile of crumbs if you looked at them the wrong way.

There was a tree stump on our campsite that was perfect for splitting firewood.

The park wood was surprisingly dry.

It had not, as far as we knew, been harvested from the depths of the Ottawa River.

A definite win.

We settled in for a quiet evening around the campfire.

We listened to nature, we read our books.

Everything was peaceful.

Then our neighbours started drinking.

The Campground Ninja

We had some young neighbours who discovered that alcohol and outdoor acoustics are a dangerous combination.

Their music turned up and and they raised their voices to hear themselves over it.

The sound of beer cans cracking open echoed through the campground like machine-gun fire, each one delivering another dose of liquid courage.

Fortunately, provincial parks come with one important feature:

Park wardens.

The warden’s voice strong and confident came from the dark road marking his arrival.

He would have given away his position had he rolled up in his vehicle, but Instead, he walked quietly up the road and listened near their campsite.

A campground ninja.

He warned them he could hear them from down the road and they needed to rein it in.

Warning them if he went back a second time, he would give them ticket, or worse

The party ended. The campground quieted, trees whispering relief at last.

Kudos to the Driftwood Park staff.

Impressive stealthy campground enforcement at it finest.

Checkers' Official Campground Report

By the time I was ready to see if my pillow was still soft, it was time to call Checkers in for the night.

He had spent the entire day smelling new smells.

Every pine, spruce and birch

Every blade of grass.

Every suspicious beetle.

He was completely exhausted.

In fact, he was so tired that I had to lift him up to remove his harness.

Checkers had officially lost the battle against the campground.

The campground had won.

Sunday Morning: The Crisis Gets Worse

After all the fresh air we had enjoyed all day Saturday, we slept like rocks.

We even slept in a little, which is unusual for us.

Sunday morning began with the usual camping essentials:

Coffee.

Birds.

And the familiar woodpecker drumming out his latest masterpiece on a nearby tree.

Most of our neighbours had already left or were packing up.

Even the noisy neighbours were gone.

Perhaps the woodpecker had encouraged their aching heads to leave.

Then Meg leaned out of the trailer.

“The toilet paper situation is now a major crisis.”

I had another cup of coffee.

Sometimes, you need to prepare yourself mentally before tackling a crisis.

Checkers, meanwhile, was fully recharged.

He was barking at everyone around us as they packed up or headed out.

I distracted him with a bag of cheese curds.

It worked perfectly.

Checkers is very food motivated.

Just like me.

I may have had to test a few of the cheese curds first to make sure he would like them.

This is called responsible dog ownership.

Mission: Toilet Paper

We once again climbed into the truck and headed into Deep River.

This time, we stopped at the Independent grocery store.

They had to have toilet paper.

Otherwise, we were going to be spending the rest of the weekend visiting campground outhouses decorated with spiders.

Success.

Meg victoriously strutted out of the store carrying a package of the magical, soft-on-the-tush toilet paper that had been eluding her for the past two days.

The crisis was over.

The supply chain had been restored.

Civilization had returned.

We had our essentials.

Naturally, we stopped for ice cream at the park store on the way back.

Because toilet paper and ice cream are both essential camping supplies.

Problem Number Two: We're Out of Water

Once we returned to the trailer, we ran into Problem Number Two.

We had run out of water.

We had filled the water tank at the beginning of the weekend.

But now, when we turned on the faucet, all we got was air.

Fortunately, we are seasoned camping veterans.

We had emergency water supplies.

There was a one-gallon sprayer in the truck for washing off the dog if he got into mud.

Or giving him a drink.

And Meg had a one-gallon jug of the finest spring water from the grocery store.

It wasn't exactly enough for a long shower.

But it was enough to keep us going, especially the coffee

And, more importantly, we had toilet paper.

The Blackstone Mystery Solved

That evening's menu was fish tacos.

The Blackstone was called back into service.

While setting it up, I finally found the source of the strange smell in the outdoor kitchen.

The back of the Blackstone has a drip tray.

The drip tray had not been cleaned after our last camping trip.

Then we had a heat wave.

The contents had transformed into something that looked like the landscape of Mars.

And the smell coming from it was not pleasant.

Not even remotely pleasant.

I removed the drip tray and set it aside.

I would clean it later.

Sometimes, the best solution to an RV problem is to move it somewhere else and pretend it isn't happening.

The Peaceful End to the Weekend

Sunday was a little warmer than the previous couple of days.

But we still enjoyed a campfire.

By now, most of the weekend campers had gone home.

Only a few campers remained.

The campground was wonderfully quiet.

The only sounds were birds calling to each other and the wind moving through the trees.

It was incredibly relaxing.

We did some minor cleanup so we wouldn't have to do everything Monday morning.

Then we crashed early.

Monday morning arrived with the usual campground soundtrack:

Coffee.

Chirping birds.

The woodpecker.

And a jogger.

How dare someone come to a campground and exercise.

Some of us were trying to enjoy our coffee and feel superior to everyone else.

Packing Up and Heading Home

Packing up the inside and outside of the trailer took a little longer than usual without Dylan's help.

It's amazing how quickly he can clean up when he is motivated to get home and resume the latest battle with aliens on the computer.

Meg was also recovering from recent carpal tunnel surgery.

So she was essentially a one-woman cleaning machine with one hand.

When Meg gets going, it is best to stay out of her way.

Especially inside a tiny RV travel trailer.

Eventually, everything was packed.

Checkers took his position in the back seat of the truck and immediately fell asleep.

He was probably dreaming about all the new smells he had discovered.

Meg worked on a Sudoku puzzle in the passenger seat.

I climbed into the driver's seat, pointed the truck and trailer toward Ottawa, and started the journey home.

Another camping adventure was complete.

And somehow, we had survived.

The Lessons We Learned

Every camping trip teaches you something.

This one taught us:

1. Check Your Supplies Before Leaving

Especially the toilet paper.

Seriously.

Check the toilet paper.

2. Meg Is Easily Distracted by Turtles

If a turtle appears, all other missions may be temporarily suspended.

Including critical supply missions.

3. Ice Cream Tastes Better When Someone Else Brings It to You

This is simply a fact.

4. Always Clean the Blackstone Drip Tray

Your future self will thank you.

Your nose will thank you.

Everyone within twenty feet of your outdoor kitchen will thank you.

5. Checkers Can Smell Everything

And will attempt to investigate everything.

Final Roaming Roads Campground Report

🐾 Checkers' Official Review

Chipmunks: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Fast, agile, and extremely good at staying just outside leash range.

Trees: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Excellent variety.

Would pee on again.

Sniffing Opportunities: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Almost overwhelming.

Cheese Curds: ⭐⭐⭐

Dad had to test them first.

Obviously.

Overall Experience: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Would visit again.

Preferably tomorrow.

---

🏆 Roaming Roads Awards

Best Supporting Character: The Park Warden

A true campground ninja.

Most Easily Distracted: Meg

If there's a turtle nearby, the conversation is officially over.

Most Suspicious Smell: The Blackstone drip tray

A smell that will live in our memories forever.

Most Important Purchase: Toilet paper

Obviously.

Most Dedicated Camper: Checkers

He sniffed absolutely everything until he physically needed to be lifted into bed.

---

Until the Next Adventure

Driftwood Provincial Park gave us a relaxing camping weekend.

We enjoyed great food, quiet campfires, ice cream, interesting stops along the road, and plenty of time to enjoy the outdoors.

We also experienced a garbage avalanche near-miss, a toilet paper emergency, a Blackstone archaeological discovery, a campground ninja, and a dog who tried to fight chipmunks for half an hour.

So, all in all…

A pretty normal Roaming Roads camping trip.

The trailer made it home.

Checkers survived.

The toilet paper crisis was resolved.

And the Blackstone drip tray has officially become a science experiment.

Until the next adventure…

Keep the coffee hot, the trailer level, and for the love of everything holy…

Check the toilet paper before you leave.

If you've ever forgotten something important while camping, tell us about it in the comments. What did you forget, and how did you survive the crisis?